210+ High Cholesterol Jokes: One-liners with Adults Twists

Are you battling high cholesterol levels but need a laugh to keep your spirits (and your arteries) flowing? You’re in the right place! Cholesterol might be the sneaky villain clogging up your cardiovascular system, but we’ve got the perfect antidote: 210 funny cholesterol jokes to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re dodging statins, swearing off bacon, or just appreciating some clever puns, these high cholesterol jokes, cholesterol one-liners, and cholesterol jokes for adults will have you chuckling all the way to your next check-up.

In this ultimate collection of cholesterol humor, we’ve divided the laughs into three heart-smart sections for easy browsing. From groan-worthy puns on plaque buildup to sassy one-liners about lipid profiles, and even some cheeky adult-oriented quips that go beyond the family dinner table, there’s something here for every sense of humor. Share these with your doctor, your gym buddy, or that friend who’s always preaching kale smoothies—because laughter is the best medicine, and it’s got zero calories!

Ready to lower your stress cholesterol? Dive in and let’s get those endorphins pumping.

High Cholesterol Jokes: Plaque-Tastic Puns to Unclog Your Day

High cholesterol doesn’t have to be a drag—it’s basically your body’s way of saying, “I love fries too much.” These high cholesterol jokes poke fun at the struggle of balancing burgers and bloodwork. We’ve got 70 of them here, perfect for anyone who’s ever stared down a salad in defeat.

1. Why did the cholesterol go to therapy? It had too many emotional blockages!
2. What’s a high cholesterol patient’s favorite dance? The artery tango—it’s all about the twists and clogs.
3. High cholesterol walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long plaque?”
4. Why don’t high cholesterol molecules ever get lost? They always stick to the walls.
5. What did the doctor say to the high cholesterol? “You’re grounded—straight to the liver!”
6. High cholesterol’s favorite movie? Clogged, starring Tom Hanks as the bad guy.
7. Why was the high cholesterol bad at hide-and-seek? It always left a greasy trail.
8. What’s high cholesterol’s motto? “Live fast, die clogged.”
9. Did you hear about the high cholesterol that joined a band? It was the lead plaque-ist.
10. Why did high cholesterol break up with sugar? Too much bad chemistry!
11. High cholesterol at the beach: Building sandcastles? Nah, artery sandbars.
12. What’s a high cholesterol diet? Anything that sticks to your ribs… and your veins.
13. Why was high cholesterol always invited to parties? It knew how to butter everyone up.
14. High cholesterol’s favorite game? Operation—without the buzzer.
15. What do you call high cholesterol in a hurry? A lipid sprint.
16. Why did high cholesterol fail art class? It could only draw lines—thick ones.
17. High cholesterol’s dream job? Traffic cop in your bloodstream.
18. What’s high cholesterol’s favorite holiday? Butterball Thanksgiving.
19. Did high cholesterol write a book? Yeah, The Art of the Clog.
20. Why was high cholesterol terrible at soccer? It kept fouling the goalie with sticky balls.
21. High cholesterol at karaoke: Belting out “Pour Some Sugar on Me”—literally.
22. What’s a high cholesterol superhero’s weakness? A salad cape.
23. Why did high cholesterol go to school? To improve its flow chart.
24. High cholesterol’s favorite car? A Ford Plaque-us.
25. What did high cholesterol say to the treadmill? “You’re just jealous of my curves.”
26. Why was high cholesterol a bad chef? Everything it made was over-plaqued.
27. High cholesterol in love: It’s all hearts and blockages.
28. What’s high cholesterol’s favorite puzzle? A 1,000-piece jigsaw of your arteries.
29. Did you hear high cholesterol’s joke? It’s LDL-ightful!
30. Why did high cholesterol ghost its friends? Too much emotional baggage in the blood.
31. High cholesterol’s favorite song? “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift.
32. What’s a high cholesterol pirate’s treasure? Buried plaque.
33. Why was high cholesterol bad at math? It couldn’t count calories without clogging the calculator.
34. High cholesterol at the gym: Lifting weights? More like weighing down the veins.
35. What do you call a high cholesterol comedian? A plaque-up artist.
36. Why did high cholesterol start a garden? To grow its own blockages.
37. High cholesterol’s favorite TV show? The Walking Dead—zombie arteries.
38. What’s high cholesterol’s best pickup line? “Are you LDL? Because you’re bad for me.”
39. Did high cholesterol win an award? Yes, for Outstanding Buildup in a Supporting Role.
40. Why was high cholesterol always late? Stuck in traffic—internal traffic.
41. High cholesterol’s favorite book? The Da Vinci Code: Cracking Arteries.
42. What’s a high cholesterol chef’s specialty? Clogged chowder.
43. Why did high cholesterol hate puzzles? Too many missing pieces in the flow.
44. High cholesterol at a party: The wallflower who sticks to the walls.
45. What did the high cholesterol say to the salad? “Lettuce be friends, but don’t leaf me.”
46. Why was high cholesterol a terrible driver? Always merging into the slow lane.
47. High cholesterol’s favorite sport? Sumo wrestling—in your bloodstream.
48. What’s high cholesterol’s idea of romance? Candlelit dinners with extra butter.
49. Did high cholesterol go to the moon? No, but it left one giant leap for plaque-kind.
50. Why did high cholesterol join yoga? To twist its way out of tight spots.
51. High cholesterol’s favorite magic trick? Making room disappear.
52. What’s a high cholesterol artist’s medium? Oil—straight to the veins.
53. Why was high cholesterol bad at secrets? It always spilled the beans… and the grease.
54. High cholesterol in winter: Building snowmen? Try snow-clogs.
55. What do you call high cholesterol on vacation? A plaque-side getaway.
56. Why did high cholesterol hate elevators? Too much up and down in the levels.
57. High cholesterol’s favorite dessert? Plaque-au-chocolat.
58. What’s high cholesterol’s workout routine? Running in place—your heart’s doing the work.
59. Did high cholesterol invent the internet? No, but it sure knows bandwidth issues.
60. Why was high cholesterol a bad musician? Out of tune with HDL.
61. High cholesterol at the office: The ultimate bottleneck boss.
62. What’s a high cholesterol ghost’s favorite haunt? Haunted houses with narrow hallways.
63. Why did high cholesterol skip the marathon? It prefers the couch potato relay.
64. High cholesterol’s favorite fairy tale? Hansel and Grethel—with extra crumbs.
65. What did high cholesterol say to exercise? “Sweat’s just liquid cholesterol.”
66. Why was high cholesterol terrible at hide-and-seek? It always gave itself away with the huffing.
67. High cholesterol’s dream home? A McMansion with tiny doorways.
68. What’s high cholesterol’s favorite joke? This one—it’s self-deprecating.
69. Did high cholesterol go viral? Only in your veins.
70. Why did high cholesterol love puns? They’re the best way to butter up a crowd.

Cholesterol Jokes One-Liners: Quick Hits for Instant Laughs

Short on time but high on HDL dreams? These cholesterol one-liners are bite-sized bursts of wit—70 snappy zingers that deliver punchlines faster than a lipid panel result. Ideal for social media shares or doctor’s office icebreakers.

71. My cholesterol’s so high, my arteries have their own toll booth.
72. Cholesterol: Because life’s too short for skinny veins.
73. I told my doctor about my cholesterol; he said, “It’s not you, it’s me—your diet.”
74. High cholesterol walks into a room—doors slam shut.
75. Statins? More like “stay-tins” on the couch.
76. My blood test said my cholesterol’s high; guess I’m a VIP in vein town.
77. Cholesterol puns are my cardio.
78. Why fight cholesterol? Embrace the plaque life.
79. My arteries are like LA traffic: full of bad ideas and no exits.
80. Cholesterol level: Expert. Willpower: Novice.
81. Butter’s my spirit animal—greasy and unapologetic.
82. Doctor: “Cut the fats.” Me: “But they’re my only friends!”
83. High cholesterol: Nature’s way of saying “slow down, enjoy the jam.”
84. My heart’s a drama queen—always blocking the spotlight.
85. Cholesterol diet tip: Eat like it’s your last meal. It might be.
86. Plaque in the arteries? More like plague on my parade.
87. I asked my cholesterol for advice; it said, “Stick around.”
88. Gym membership? Nah, my cholesterol sponsors my Netflix.
89. Bad cholesterol: The original bad boy of biology.
90. Why’s cholesterol shy? It prefers the shadows of your veins.
91. My lipid profile reads like a horror novel: The Clog That Ate My Heart.
92. Cholesterol: Proof that fat floats to the top.
93. Doctor’s orders: More fiber. My response: “Pass the fries.”
94. High cholesterol’s like exes—hard to shake and always building up.
95. Arteries without cholesterol? Boring straight lines.
96. I tried intermittent fasting; my cholesterol fasted from my efforts.
97. Plaque buildup: Because who needs smooth sailing?
98. Cholesterol joke? LDL me you’re amused.
99. My veins are a greasy spoon diner—open 24/7.
100. Statin side effects: Muscle aches and dad jokes.
101. High cholesterol: The silent but deadly type.
102. Why did cholesterol cross the road? To clog the other side.
103. My doctor’s face during my check-up: Priceless. My levels: Cholesterol.
104. Butter makes everything better—except your bloodwork.
105. Cholesterol: The fat that fate forgot.
106. I named my high cholesterol “Bacon”—it’s my guilty pleasure.
107. Veins so clogged, even my thoughts are backed up.
108. Dieting for cholesterol? It’s all Greek to me—olives optional.
109. Plaque: The uninvited guest who overstays.
110. My heart whispered, “Ease up on the cheese,” but I said, “Nacho problem.”
111. Cholesterol levels rising faster than my coffee intake.
112. Bad fats: Because good ones are too mainstream.
113. Doctor: “Your cholesterol’s through the roof.” Me: “Roof access denied.”
114. Arteries: Nature’s original pipe dream gone wrong.
115. I fought cholesterol with veggies; it fought back with pizza.
116. High cholesterol motto: Thicker than your plot twists.
117. Statins are my frenemy—lowering levels, cramping style.
118. My blood’s a traffic jam; horns optional.
119. Cholesterol: The ultimate couch surfer.
120. Why’s high cholesterol optimistic? It sees the glass half clogged.
121. Fiber’s my new BFF—cholesterol’s the ex.
122. Plaque attack: Better than heart attack? Debatable.
123. My arteries throw the best block parties.
124. Cholesterol diet: Eat clean, or don’t—your veins won’t judge.
125. Bad cholesterol: Like spam email for your bloodstream.
126. I checked my levels; they’re off the charts—in a rockstar way.
127. Butterflies in my stomach? Nah, butter blocks.
128. High cholesterol: Making veins villainous since birth.
129. Doctor’s advice: Walk more. My retort: “To the fridge?”
130. Plaque: The sticky situation you can’t scrape off.
131. My cholesterol’s high; my standards for jokes? Higher.
132. Veins: Where dreams go to get greasy.
133. Statin me softly with those words, doc.
134. Cholesterol: Fat’s revenge on fitness.
135. Arteries so full, they’re auditioning for Hoarders.
136. I told cholesterol to hit the road; it took the scenic route.
137. High levels? More like high-fives from fast food.
138. Plaque: Because smooth is overrated.
139. My heart’s GPS: Recalculating due to blockage.
140. Cholesterol one-liner: Short, sweet, and saturated.

Cholesterol Jokes for Adults: Cheeky, Edgy Humor with a Side of Sass

For those who like their laughs with a wink and a nudge, these cholesterol jokes for adults turn up the heat—70 grown-up gags blending innuendo, sarcasm, and that “oops, did I say that?” vibe. Warning: May cause snorts over statins. Best enjoyed with a (decaf) nightcap.

141. My cholesterol’s so high, it’s got its own OnlyFans for artery pics.
142. Doctor said cut the red meat; now my bedroom’s the only thing getting rare.
143. High cholesterol: Like bad sx—messy, unsatisfying, and leaves you blocked.
144. Statins make me impotent? Nah, just bad at finishing strong.
145. My veins are clogged tighter than my ex’s grip on grudges.
146. Cholesterol date night: Candlelight, wine, and a side of regret.
147. Why’s high cholesterol like a one-night stand? Sticky aftermath.
148. Butter my butt and call me a biscuit—my levels are southern hospitality gone wrong.
149. Arteries: Where my wild oats got harvested into plaque.
150. Doctor: “Your heart’s at risk.” Me: “Tell that to my libido.”
151. High cholesterol’s foreplay: Slow build, explosive regret.
152. Plaque buildup: Nature’s erectile dysfunction for your pump.
153. I asked my cholesterol for a threesome; it brought HDL and regret.
154. Veins so greasy, they’re slipping out of my grip—like relationships.
155. Statins: The little blue pill for your red-hot rage.
156. My lipid profile’s kinkier than my browser history.
157. High cholesterol: Because adulting means trading abs for flabs.
158. Doctor’s orders: More cardio. My retort: “In bed counts, right?”
159. Plaque: The adult version of sticky fingers.
160. Cholesterol’s like porn—addictive, hidden, and bad for your health.
161. My arteries whisper sweet nothings: “More bacon, baby.”
162. High levels? Just my inner bad boy demanding tribute.
163. Statin side effects: Cramps worse than post-sx regrets.
164. Veins clogged like my DMs after a bad decision.
165. Butter: The original slippery slope to ecstasy—and embolism.
166. Doctor: “Ease up on booze.” Me: “But it’s my liquid courage against cholesterol.”
167. Plaque party: Invite-only, eternal hangover.
168. High cholesterol’s bedroom talk: “Harder? Wait, no—looser!”
169. My heart’s a cougar: Chasing young HDL, stuck with old LDL.
170. Arteries: Traitorous lovers, always betraying the flow.
171. Cholesterol diet for adults: Swap hookups for hikes—boring but effective.
172. Statins got me feeling like a deflated balloon animal.
173. Plaque: The ex who won’t move out of your pipes.
174. High cholesterol: Fueling my fire for forbidden fries.
175. Veins so full, they’re bursting with adult confessions.
176. Doctor’s note: “Abstain from fats.” My note: “Pass.”
177. Butterscotch fantasies? More like butter-block nightmares.
178. My lipid levels flirt with danger like I flirt with bartenders.
179. High cholesterol: The ultimate buzzkill for your wild side.
180. Plaque: Sticky situations since puberty.
181. Statins: Turning me from stallion to statin’ still.
182. Arteries begging for mercy like after a rough night.
183. Cholesterol’s adult humor: Fat jokes that hit below the belt.
184. My veins are a bad hookup: All buildup, no payoff.
185. Doctor: “Your numbers are naughty.” Me: “Good girl gone bad.”
186. High cholesterol: Like aging wine—rich, full-bodied, and risky.
187. Plaque whispers: “One more won’t hurt… much.”
188. Statin me in the heart with those truths, doc.
189. Veins: Where my sins catch up, greasy and glorious.
190. Butter: The forbidden fruit of adult temptation.
191. High levels got me reflecting: Was that cheese worth it? Yes.
192. Arteries: Locked tighter than my secrets.
193. Cholesterol’s foreplay to a heart-to-heart.
194. Plaque: The adult pacifier for stress eating.
195. My doctor’s face: Judgmental. My cholesterol: Unbothered.
196. Statins: The chastity belt for your cravings.
197. High cholesterol: Making “thick” the new sxy.
198. Veins so clogged, even therapy can’t flow.
199. Butter and booze: My dynamic duo of doom.
200. Plaque buildup: Like compound interest on bad habits.
201. Doctor’s advice: “Clean living.” My life: “Messy and marvelous.”
202. High cholesterol’s adult twist: Fat’s where it’s at.
203. Arteries: Betrayed by every burger I ever loved.
204. Statins got me questioning my vices—then ordering more.
205. Plaque: The silent scream of indulgence.
206. My levels are high; my standards for fun? Higher.
207. Veins: A roadmap to my reckless youth.
208. Cholesterol: The spice of adult life—too much burns.
209. Butter dreams: Creamy, caloric, and unapologetic.
210. High cholesterol finale: Laugh now, love later—your heart will thank you.

Wrap Up: Keep the Laughter Flowing and Your Cholesterol in Check

Whew! We’ve hit 210 funny cholesterol jokes that prove humor is the ultimate heart hack. From those artery-clogging high cholesterol jokes to zippy one-liners and steamy adult twists, hopefully your stress levels just dropped faster than a post-statin cholesterol reading. Remember, while these puns are priceless, real heart health isn’t—chat with your doc, hit the trails, and maybe swap one fry for a flirt with fiber.

Got a favorite? Drop it in the comments below, or share this post to spread the laughs (and maybe some awareness). What’s your go-to cholesterol coping mechanism? Tag a friend who’s overdue for a giggle—and a lipid test. Stay funny, stay flowing!

Disclaimer: These jokes are for entertainment only. Not medical advice. Consult a professional for actual cholesterol concerns.

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